A diffident girl and her messed up thoughts..

Assalamualaikum w.b.t..

"...for she is locked up in a cocoon of her own making."  

After reading the sentence above, there's a lot going on through my mind. So, I spontaneously wrote this so-called poem on a piece of paper while waiting for someone. And then I transfer it to my blog (mind any errors though).

F.R.E.E.D.O.M

What is it about freedom that makes her so blue?

She can fly high up in the sky,

yet, felt like her neck is being tied up to a chain

until she can barely breathe.

She can say whatever her mouth ought to speak,

but then she heard the swarm of bees mocking behind her back 

with their devilish looks that's pretty enough to deceive her.

Even what she ate, what she wore, what she did,

affected a whole lot of hypocritical society.

But the saddest thing is

she has no one to blame other than her own inferior self.

For she let the mud of judgement

covered her eyes, heart and every inch of her body

till she can no longer see the beauty and goodness in herself.

And worse,

she drowns herself in the sea of ugly thoughts 

created by her own grey and white matter.

She's choked up,

and her self-esteem destroyed in a speed of light.

At that moment,

she starts to send people away,

and she hides in a deserted place.

But maybe, just maybe

she actually wanted to be found

by the people who care enough

to tear down the walls that surrounded her cold heart.

And that's when she realized

she's an epitome of irony.

She doesn't want to reveal her true self,

so she camouflages herself,

 behind the curtains of misery

wearing the mask of euphoria.

Solely because she's afraid 

that once she let herself free,

others might see the dark and the beastly side of her

that didn't belong.

But what she doesn't know is

all of those things, are only a mirage of illusions

conceived by the demon of cruel world.

She thoughts she is struggling

but she's only delusional.

And others who sat on the watcher's bench

could see that

behind her soot of flaws,

there is a fine woman who once thought

that this world is pure and intact.

With a little bit of hope 

that she slipped into the pocket of her jeans,

her eyes twitch with a spark of anticipation

whenever someone opens the gate

that leads to the land of Utopia,

but only to make her disappointment piles up 

from being let down, countless times.

After years of trials and tribulations,

she finally realized how wrong she was.

Just after she put the Dunya in her hand

and the Almighty in her heart,

the world suddenly became mute.

Now she knew that this world

is nothing but a stopover, to please Him 

before reaching the real destination

which is the Hereafter.

She retired from being the soul that wanders

and her last and ultimate wishes are,

to stay, not stray

to keep the faith and not get distracted,

to stay strong and always sabr,

to constantly be on the right track,

for the rest of her life

in this temporary globe of existence.

© amerahramli_2014.

P/s: It is not related to anyone or anything.